What I Want More of in This Season of Life

October always makes me reflective.

Maybe it’s the noticeable change happening all around us—the cooler mornings, earlier sunsets, leaves beginning to turn. Or maybe it’s because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and after having breast cancer myself and losing my mom to the disease, this month will always carry a little more weight for me.

It reminds me how quickly life can change.

And how precious an ordinary day really is.

There was a time when I thought a meaningful life was measured mostly by the big things. The accomplishments. The celebrations. The milestones. The plans checked off the list.

These days, I find myself wanting something different.

Not necessarily more in the traditional sense.

I want more slow mornings and coffee before the rest of the day begins.

More time outside.

More dinners around the table and conversations that linger.

More laughter—the kind that makes your stomach hurt and your eyes water.

More walks without worrying about how far or how fast. Just enjoying the steps without my knees hurting.

More noticing what’s blooming, what’s changing, and what’s beautiful right now.

More time with the people I love.

More making things simply because I enjoy making them.

More rest without feeling like I haven't earned it.

More gratitude for a perfectly ordinary Tuesday.

And maybe most of all, I want more presence.

Going through difficult seasons has changed the way I think about time. There is so much we cannot control. We don’t always get to choose the season we find ourselves in, how long it lasts, or what it asks of us.

But I’m learning that I can be more intentional about how I live within it.

I can stop saving joy for special occasions.

I can notice the light coming through the trees.

I can make the bread.

I can call someone I love.

I can sit outside for ten extra minutes.

I can take the scenic route.

I can be grateful for a body that has carried me through hard things, even when it has changed along the way.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month understandably brings attention to screenings, research, treatment and survivorship. But for me, it also brings a quieter reminder:

Be here for your life.

Not someday when everything is settled.

Not when the to-do list is finished.

Not when the next milestone arrives.

Here.

In this season.

I still have dreams. I still have plans. I still hope for what comes next.

But I’m less interested in filling my days simply for the sake of being busy.

I want to fill them with things that make them feel like mine.

Beauty. Joy. Gratitude. Connection. Creativity. Rest. Laughter. Nature. People I love.

And plenty of ordinary moments worth savoring.

Maybe that’s one of the gifts of moving through difficult seasons. They can clarify what matters.

So this October, instead of asking myself what I want to accomplish next, I’m asking a different question:

How do I want my days to feel?

And perhaps that’s a question worth asking in every season of life.